It’s suddenly seems as if you woke up on the wrong side of the bed, you feel too tired to even stand up, well not as if you are actually tired, but a part of you just wish last night never happened.
You lay there on the bed feeling guilty, if only you had obeyed the voice, if only you had dropped your phone, if only you had closed Instagram, if only you didn’t open that browser, but you did a complete opposite of the ‘if onlys’.
The flesh got a better part of you, “just this last time”, you told yourself, but that was the same thing you told yourself a night before and even last week. ‘This last time’ seems like a never ending task, you know you shouldn’t be struggling with this, countless times you’ve asked for forgiveness and it’s becoming a deliberate action by the day, you can’t even remember the last time you prayed or the last time you read the Bible. Who does that after coming from the altar of masturbation? who does that after feasting with pornography?
Right in the middle of all this thought, still too weak to stand from your bed, you hear Him say this to you “I love you and I want you to come to me just the way you are, I want to heal you and want to make you whole again”
You just couldn’t believe your ears. You actually wished it could be true, but how can it be true?
“Come let’s gist, I know how dirty you are, and I don’t like it, but I still love you and I am the perfect laundry guy to clean you up” the voice continued.
You blink. You blink again. Sitting up from your bed, with you head in your hands, you know it was a call from God to make a decision. A decision to listen to Him and probably risk disappointing Him again, or just continue to feel rotten.
The best option was obvious but was it possible?
You look back at the struggles you have lost. Your mind swiped through all the battles of resistance you have tried that has only met defeat.
Whew! You let out a bead of sweat, you raised your head to look up only to be met by your fan rolling lazily. You returned your head into your hand, just as you were about to make the decision, the voice came again.
“See, I died to give you Victory over things things. Just take it. That’s all”
It sounded simple, but you felt it wasn’t. It would imply totally not being able to enjoy this things..well, it’s out. The little secret is out. A part of you enjoys it…atleast for a brief moment. It was time to sacrifice the enjoyment.
Not knowing if it would mean much or not, you knelt by your bed and asked for help sincerely. You imagine handing over yourself with the stains to the laundryman, He collected it and walked away with a smile.
Though you didn’t hear any Angel’s trumpet sound as you left your crouching position, you knew something has changed or should change.
You smiled, not because you were sure of anything, but because now you are guaranteed of not fighting alone. Victory was certain.
You stood from your bed with a smile and went in search of the Garri bag.
©Temitope Dada and Aremotobi.