Thank you for sticking with me through this confession series. I am glad it is blessing hearts and making many hold on to their resolve about sexual purity. I’ve gotten a couple of questions, on the blog and personally, I’ll dedicate the next post to answering questions after which I’ll continue with the confession series. There are so many things to confess! #lool!
Alright, to today’s confession.
I was jobless. I was just out of junior school and the whole excitement of having about nine months without doing anything was already dwindling after the first week. There wasn’t much to do except TV, visit at a friend’s to play game and return home to TV and food. It got boring for me. So one day I ventures into a path that I would later wish I had not.
I had seen my (step) mum read novels, all sorts of novels from time to time and they usually put me off, before long my sister who we were home to started reading, so on this fateful, I went into mum’s wardrobe and took out a book. I can’t remember the title right now, but I can practically remember my holding that book. It was the first place I came in contact with the word ‘Ravenous’.
Anyway I started reading the novel, it was quite voluminous, and as soon as I got over the first level of reluctance to read it, I started ‘enjoying’ the book. After that book, I took another one. These books were romance novels of different shades, historical romance, intrigue, thrillers. I n no time I had found my favorites, thriller or any romance novel that involves a baby.
I started coming across some explicit details of the sexual process. It wasn’t basic science. It was a lot more…detailed. Details that my small mind felt weren’t necessary so I decided to skip any romantic part as soon as I was approaching the page. I would skip by the pages, and by the time I want to continue, I would discover I had missed a detail that would have linked to this page, so ,as you can guess, I’ll trace the page back and before long that which I didn’t want to read I would end up reading.
I came up with another excuse that the novels were really helping my written and spoken English, which indeed was improving, so without a knowledge of an alternative, I continued reading romance novels, telling myself it wasn’t affecting me…yet.
I had this neighbor, young lady, fair in complexion who leaved upstairs with us. This was a neighbor that I had seen at different times in different kinds of clothing and I was fine, a day came when as I came out of our room, I saw her. I noticed what she was wearing. It was just grazing her knees. She was on the way to the kitchen as I was.
As I stood in our corner of the kitchen and she in hers, I suddenly felt a strange urge to hold her from the back. I had read this happen at different times in different novels, and I was playing them out in my head. To make matters worse it seemed she was encouraging me to do something with her body language.
We were in the kitchen together. Alone. We looked at each other at the same time, and I noticed she winked at me. She winked at me. Did she just winked at me?
I was not sure. I shook my head rapidly, picked up what I had come to the kitchen to pick and walked out of the kitchen, straight into my room where I could breathe fresh air.
I still bump into her a couple more times in compromising occasions and the urge to just play out the novel was getting stronger and stronger. I knew I needed help. I cut off from reading romance novels and moved to law novels.
Deliverance eventually came when I laid it all at the feet of Jesus. I am glad that I didn’t make any bunkum move, once again, God has saved me.
Permit me to quickly bring to your notice that the cliché ‘an idle mind is the devil’s workshop’ is true. When you are idle, devil will definitely find something to occupy you, and be sure the end thereof will be fatal.
Also, what you stuff your heart with will come to bear at one time or the other. When speaking with people about not reading romance novels (except Christian romance novels), some give me the excuse that ‘it doesn’t affect me’. It may not be affecting you now, but be sure it will affect you. The scripture talks about “…Stronghold of the devil”. Strongholds are preset events that the devil ‘plant’ in our lives and plans to trigger at a future date.
Like my mentor, Mr. Oluwatimilehin Adigun analyzed, your mind is like a foam, it absorbs whatever you expose it to, and when the day of pressing (Pressure) comes, it is what it had been taking in that it will spew out. If it has being trash, expect to get trash.
I swapped my ‘secular’ romance novels for Christian romance from authors like Francine Rivers, Karen Kingsbury, Lori Wick. Then there was heart songs too. I started reading my bible too to help with ‘sand-papering’ my already ‘romance-stuffed’ heart. It helped, and I can boldly confess today that I am more than a conqueror!
You can win too, don’t give up!
I’ll start answering questions in the next post.
I believe in you!